The Ned London Review: One Night Inside the Old Midland Bank

Some hotels you stay in. The Ned is a hotel you disappear into.

We have been coming to The Ned for drinks for years. It is one of those places that swallows you whole the moment you walk through the doors on Poultry: the music drifting across the old banking hall, the green columns, the low golden light, the sense that everyone in the room is having a slightly better evening than they planned. But drinks are one thing. Staying the night is another. So when I finally booked us in, I wanted to know the answer to the question everyone asks me about this place. Is The Ned actually worth it?

This is my honest review of The Ned London: the room, the restaurants, the members only Vault, the spa, the gym, and the bed that I am still thinking about. Nobody paid for this stay and nobody has seen this review before you. As always, this one is self funded and written exactly as it happened.

We arrived at about 4pm, fresh from eating our body weight in afternoon tea at the Ritz. Not our smartest scheduling, but a very on brand start to the weekend.

The doorman took our suitcases the moment we stepped out of the taxi and walked us through to the front desk, which sits past the music and the bars, over to the right of the banking hall. When he found out it was our first time staying, his whole face lit up. You are going to have the best time, he told us, and we are going to do everything to make your first stay the best. That is exactly what you want to hear when you are somewhere new, and it set the tone for the entire visit.

We were booked into a medium room on the second floor, though when we opened the door we both did a double take, because this was unmistakably one of their larger rooms. Whether it was a quiet upgrade or simply The Ned being generous with its definitions, I never did find out, and honestly I quite like the mystery. Either way, we were thrilled.

You step in, up a few stairs, and the room opens out in front of you. On the left, a seating area with a handwritten welcome note and a cake waiting for us. On the chair, two Ned bags with a surprise inside: two Soho House robes, which was such a generous touch. Then the room itself. A huge TV on the wall, a vanity table, a cabinet stocked with drinks, and over to the right, a massive king size bed that looked like it belonged in a film set.

The whole space carries that Twenties glamour The Ned does so well. Rich fabrics, warm wood, proper lamps instead of harsh overhead lighting, and blackout curtains that turn the room into a cocoon. There was loads of space to spread out, which matters more than people admit on a one night stay when you are getting dressed for dinner and half your wardrobe is on the bed.

The bathroom was big, marble and stocked like a small Cowshed boutique. You choose your favourite body wash from invigorating, relaxing or uplifting, and there are body scrubs plus two shampoos and two conditioners to pick between. It is a small thing, but being given a choice of products rather than one lonely dispenser bottle makes a stay feel considered.

And the amenities went well beyond the usual. Lip balm, tampons, condoms, a loofah. Everything you might have forgotten, already waiting for you. This is what I mean when I say luxury lives in the detail. Anyone can buy nice tiles. Thinking about what a real guest might actually need at 11pm is a different skill entirely.

Saturday nights at The Ned are something else. The Nickel Stage sits right in the middle of the banking hall, and there is live music every single day, from jazz trios to emerging artists. The hotel puts on around 3,600 acts a year, which explains why the entertainment never misses. They know exactly where to find their singers.

By 7pm the hall was packed, and here is where our luck came in. As we walked through, a couple tapped us on the shoulder to say they were leaving and did we want their table. Right in front of the bandstand. Yes. Yes we did.

We ordered a carafe of South African Chardonnay, settled in, and let the band do the rest. That night the Briggs Street Players were on the stage, and they were superb, fronted by a singer with a proper voice on her. There are very few hotels in London where the entertainment alone is worth the visit, and this is one of them.

Choosing where to eat at The Ned is genuinely difficult, because there are eight public restaurants under one roof. Lutyens Grill, the wood panelled steak restaurant set in the former bank manager's office, is listed among the World's 101 Best Steak Restaurants and was calling our names. But after the Ritz's finest, we needed something lighter, so we booked Kaia for half past eight instead.

Kaia is The Ned's Asian Pacific restaurant, all robata grills, sushi and poke bowls, spanning flavours from Hawaii to Japan, and it is only a stone's throw from the Nickel Bar. The menu is a dangerous read: black cod with tarragon miso, lamb cutlets in Sichuan honey soy, wagyu specials including a Japanese A5 wagyu and a wagyu sando, plus platters of sashimi and nigiri if you want to go the full omakase route. I have been on a crab bender since we came back from Crete, so my ordering took about eight seconds. Snow crab bites on crispy rice with wasabi tobiko and a bowl of edamame to start, then the soft shell crab roll with avocado and cucumber, which was absolutely brilliant. Charlie went for the aromatic duck, a crispy duck leg with sriracha hoisin, pancakes and all the trimmings, and was very smug about it.

We were looked after by Fatu, who was everything you want in a waitress. Quick with the banter, generous with her time, full of stories about the hotel and how long she had been there. When someone brings that kind of energy to the table, the whole night lifts. Food gets you to a restaurant. People bring you back.

You cannot stay at The Ned and skip the Vault. This is the bit of the hotel that makes first timers gasp, and honestly, it still gets me every visit.

A quick history lesson, because the building deserves it. The Ned occupies the former Midland Bank headquarters, designed by Sir Edwin Lutyens, whose nickname gave the hotel its name. It cost £2.2 million to build between 1919 and 1939, which is around £150 million in today's money. And down in the basement sits the original bank vault, its 20 tonne safe door still in place, its walls lined with 3,800 original silver safety deposit boxes, every single one hand engraved with its own number.

Today it is a members only bar, and as a hotel guest, your pass gets you in. We came down after dinner, ordered two Diplomatico rums served neat, and found a great table as the DJ warmed the room up. By this point in the evening we were, let us say, merry and sophisticated. The dance floor filled, the music got better, and we sat back with our rum surrounded by a wall of safety deposit boxes that once guarded the City's fortunes. It is one of the most atmospheric bars in London, and there is not a single thing like it anywhere else.

We had a couple more of the same, danced, and finally called it a night. Back in the room, we discovered the leftover cakes we had carried home from the Ritz, and decided at midnight that finishing them was an excellent idea. It was hilarious at the time. It was less hilarious the next morning.

Now. The bed. I need to talk about the bed.

The pillows were perfect. The mattress was something close to a religious experience. I sank into it and woke up nine hours later wondering what year it was. We are normally early risers, but between the blackout curtains and that mattress, we did not surface until 9am, and even then only reluctantly.

I am not exaggerating when I say we have since looked up where the mattress is from, and at around £1,500 I am genuinely tempted. I would come back to The Ned for the bed alone, and I do not say that about many hotels. If you booked a room here, watched Netflix on that enormous TV and never left the second floor, it would still be worth the money. The fact that downstairs holds eight restaurants, live music, a spa and an old bank vault is almost unfair.

With London still basking at 24 degrees, we wanted to be outside, so we skipped breakfast in the hotel and walked around the corner to Caravan. I had the veggie breakfast, Charlie kept it simple with eggs, and it was quick, easy and exactly what two slightly fragile people needed. If you would rather stay in, breakfast is served across several of The Ned's ground floor restaurants, or you can order it to your room.

Back at the hotel, we used our final hours to explore the wellness floors, and this is where I have some genuinely useful advice for you.

Ned's Club Spa sits on basement two, built around a 20 metre indoor pool with a sauna, steam room and eight treatment rooms. The lounging beds beside the pool are the stuff of dreams, and that is precisely the problem: everybody wants one. When we visited on Sunday morning it was already busy. So here is my tip. If you are staying overnight and want a proper spa morning, get up early and be there when it opens. You do not want to be standing at the edge of the pool while someone else is horizontal on the bed you had your eye on. Trust me on this.

The gym on basement three is a proper surprise. Beautifully done, completely in keeping with The Ned's style, and stocked with high end equipment across a cardio area, a functional training space with free weights, and three studios. It is open 24 hours, and I will be honest, it looks smarter than gyms I have been genuinely excited to visit elsewhere. After an indulgent weekend, I got my steps in on the treadmill, which felt like the least I could do after the midnight cake situation. When a hotel makes it this easy to move your body, you have no excuse.

A few things worth knowing, learned the useful way.

• Checkout is at midday. We asked about a late checkout and the best they could offer was 12:30, which we happily took. No rushing around, and time for the gym.
• Your access to the spa, gym and Vault ends when you check out. Kian flagged this at check in, and it matters. You cannot check out at noon and then spend the afternoon by the pool, so plan your facilities time for while you are still officially a guest.
• Wi-Fi is free and there is no password faff, you just select The Ned network and follow the instructions.
• Small and medium size dogs are welcome to stay in the rooms, though the restaurants and bars are dog free.
• Laptops are welcome at restaurant tables until midday, counters only from noon to 5pm, and away completely after 5pm. The Ned is for living in, not for spreadsheets.

And one more for your calendar. Every year The Ned releases a limited number of rooms at £200 and £300 for one day only, for stays across August. I grabbed our next stay at £300 through this promotion, and it is easily one of the best value luxury bookings in London. Keep an eye on The Ned's website and channels for the release date, because these rooms do not hang around.

Couples wanting a big London night with zero taxis: dinner, live music, dancing and bed are all under one roof. Music lovers, obviously, because nowhere else in the city gives you this calibre of live entertainment with your evening drink. Food lovers who want eight restaurants within a two minute walk of their pillow. And anyone celebrating something, because the staff here have an instinct for making a stay feel like an occasion.

It is worth knowing that the spa, gym and basement pool are adults only, and while children are welcome in the ground floor restaurants until 8pm, this is at heart a grown up playground. Come as a couple or with friends and you will feel it at its best.

We had an amazing stay at The Ned, and I say that as someone who arrived with high expectations after years of visits for drinks. The service was warm from the doorman to the front desk to Fatu at Kaia. The room was beautiful and far more spacious than the booking suggested. The bed changed my standards forever. And the sheer amount of hotel you get, the restaurants, the music, the spa, the gym, the Vault, makes an overnight stay feel less like booking a room and more like being handed the keys to a very glamorous private world for 20 hours.

Would I recommend it? Without hesitation. We are already booked to come back, and if you time it with the annual room release, it might just be the smartest luxury stay in London.

The Ned, 27 Poultry, London EC2R 8AJ.

In my experience, yes. The room alone justified the rate, and the bed gave me the best night of sleep I have ever had in a hotel. Add eight restaurants, live music every night, a spa, a 24 hour gym and access to the members only Vault as a hotel guest, and the value stacks up quickly. If you can, book during their annual room release for an even better rate.

There are eight public restaurants, including Millie's Lounge for classic British dishes, Cecconi's City of London for Italian, Kaia for Asian Pacific sushi and robata grills, Electric Bar and Diner, Malibu Kitchen, Cantina Malibu and Lutyens Grill, which is listed among the World's 101 Best Steak Restaurants. The Nickel Bar serves cocktails alongside daily live music on the Nickel Stage.

Yes. When you check in you receive passes for Ned's Club Spa and the Vault, which are usually members only. The spa has a 20 metre indoor pool, sauna and steam room, and the gym is open 24 hours. Your access ends when you check out, so make the most of the facilities before midday.

Checkout is at midday. Late checkout is subject to availability, and on our stay the latest available was 12:30. Remember that your spa, gym and Vault access ends at checkout.

Small and medium size dogs are welcome to stay with you in your room. Communal areas, including the restaurants and bars, are dog free, and pets cannot be left alone in the room.